Yesterday a very very strange thing happened....I decided to make a blog n start putting up my thoughts so that i could have sumthin to acknowledge back to, about how I faced certain situations in life and how that helped me form what I became as an individual....
I posted the second blog, and immediately after, the guy who i was writing about started chatting with me....And we had a conversation about relationships and how we looked at it in general...why i say this is so strange is coz ive never managed to have anything close to even small talk with him EVER. and suddenly it seemed that i could actually speak my mind to this guy who had actually been a very very important part of my childhood fantasies.
And I know im a little too naive, but even I know that things can never work out with us. NOt coz he is unattainable...but coz we've grown to be different, with very different ideas of what we want from life. And hopefully, like he told me yesterday....each of us will ultimately realize whats important to us and how we want to live our lives....as INDIVIDUALS
Monday, January 28, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
P.S. I Love you too
This may sound a little crummy, but i actually once wrote a letter (ughh, a love-letter!)
And this is how it went...
Hey,
Our conversation today made me wonder, wonder if I am a romantic. And I realized that I am......
1) I'd love to walk, hand in hand with you in the rain, sun or just about any other weather-as long as you are by my side
2) I dream bout you all of the time, when i'm awake, though i'd die b4 I would actually admit it to you.
3) I'd love you to bring me a flower (read 'rose') every time we meet, but i'd make a fuss and call you predictable
4) I'd love to sit under the stars with you next to me, have to say nothing but yet know exactly how we're feeling
5) I'd love to watch a movie with you, even if over the phone.....and feel all the emotions all the same.
And last of all, I'd love to tell you how much I miss you coz that's all I can do without you here right now....
Luv,
Me.
This was the only time I actually wrote something like this......and enjoyed writing it tooo. It gives you something to think about..... That we have it in us to care 'bout something/someone more than we realize....
But for me, I just love the feeling of being with the emotion......love being in Love!
And this is how it went...
Hey,
Our conversation today made me wonder, wonder if I am a romantic. And I realized that I am......
1) I'd love to walk, hand in hand with you in the rain, sun or just about any other weather-as long as you are by my side
2) I dream bout you all of the time, when i'm awake, though i'd die b4 I would actually admit it to you.
3) I'd love you to bring me a flower (read 'rose') every time we meet, but i'd make a fuss and call you predictable
4) I'd love to sit under the stars with you next to me, have to say nothing but yet know exactly how we're feeling
5) I'd love to watch a movie with you, even if over the phone.....and feel all the emotions all the same.
And last of all, I'd love to tell you how much I miss you coz that's all I can do without you here right now....
Luv,
Me.
This was the only time I actually wrote something like this......and enjoyed writing it tooo. It gives you something to think about..... That we have it in us to care 'bout something/someone more than we realize....
But for me, I just love the feeling of being with the emotion......love being in Love!
People.....can teach u so much
This I also wrote a while back, reflections of a passing day. Thoughts that made my mind wonder.....
Today I met this Lady. I don't know if i actually "met" her, coz you generally meet only people you KNOW-people familiar to you.
Anyways, I was walking my dog, when she walked by me. Not being a snob (at least thats what I'd like to think), I smiled. Much to my surprise, she gave me a wide-toothed grin and said Hi! I was kinda stunned (too extreme, maybe taken aback is a better way to put it), coz I did not know who I was looking at.
My idle mind consumed me and I began wondering how I couldn't remember this lady, who seemed to know me perfectly well. I began to question my ability to acknowledge my acquaintances and wondered if I was growing old a little too soon. I wondered if I would be able to recognize my friends one week from now, judging by the way I was going. It was a startling revelation for me, to think that I could loose touch with this world and with reality. But there was nothing missing...I had no known illnesses, I took no medication and was definitely miles away from steroids. So why was my cerebrum not supporting me? Was it drying up.......maybe there wasn't enough fluids reaching there.....or was I overloading it? That cant be, coz inspite of being in my "most" crucial year of education- the big 1+2, everyone was telling me how serious i needed to get, and my lack of it, and how it was time I gave up fun completely. So it wasn't possible that my brain was overworked.
Maybe it was the other way around.... maybe it had lost its power to function normally bcoz it had rusted over time. That could be it. But what could I do about it? I was scared and I've realized it only coz of that nice lady. I maybe should've thanked her for knowing the precarious condition I'm in.
Or maybe, just maybe she was trying to return the gesture of a smile with a more personal acknowledgement, by saying Hello.
dated 08/22/2002
People have a way of surprising you sometimes......And maybe we've bcum so cynical that there is this urgency to look at everything suspiciously........But there are still people who are willing to smille to make another's day...no questions asked, no answers expected. I'd sure like to be one such.It would be nice to see the whole world smiling, wouldn't it? (at strangers, too!)
Today I met this Lady. I don't know if i actually "met" her, coz you generally meet only people you KNOW-people familiar to you.
Anyways, I was walking my dog, when she walked by me. Not being a snob (at least thats what I'd like to think), I smiled. Much to my surprise, she gave me a wide-toothed grin and said Hi! I was kinda stunned (too extreme, maybe taken aback is a better way to put it), coz I did not know who I was looking at.
My idle mind consumed me and I began wondering how I couldn't remember this lady, who seemed to know me perfectly well. I began to question my ability to acknowledge my acquaintances and wondered if I was growing old a little too soon. I wondered if I would be able to recognize my friends one week from now, judging by the way I was going. It was a startling revelation for me, to think that I could loose touch with this world and with reality. But there was nothing missing...I had no known illnesses, I took no medication and was definitely miles away from steroids. So why was my cerebrum not supporting me? Was it drying up.......maybe there wasn't enough fluids reaching there.....or was I overloading it? That cant be, coz inspite of being in my "most" crucial year of education- the big 1+2, everyone was telling me how serious i needed to get, and my lack of it, and how it was time I gave up fun completely. So it wasn't possible that my brain was overworked.
Maybe it was the other way around.... maybe it had lost its power to function normally bcoz it had rusted over time. That could be it. But what could I do about it? I was scared and I've realized it only coz of that nice lady. I maybe should've thanked her for knowing the precarious condition I'm in.
Or maybe, just maybe she was trying to return the gesture of a smile with a more personal acknowledgement, by saying Hello.
dated 08/22/2002
People have a way of surprising you sometimes......And maybe we've bcum so cynical that there is this urgency to look at everything suspiciously........But there are still people who are willing to smille to make another's day...no questions asked, no answers expected. I'd sure like to be one such.It would be nice to see the whole world smiling, wouldn't it? (at strangers, too!)
Teen-AGEr
Wrote this a long time back, but somehow, this paper became part of who i am today. I know that no matter how disappointing things may seem at the time, if u look back at it, it just becomes a small, though, very important piece of your life. So here goes......
Being 17, its hard not to think that your crush( not the first one, of course) is "The One". The man in your life, meant only for You. Its hard b'coz, all the emotions that emerge on getting just a glimpse of the guy, makes you want to burst......out of joy, i guess!!
You can almost feel your cheeks burn with the blush turned full on. Your friends ask if u've just run a mile in the hot summer sun, but that cant be it, its the middle of December. You cant really describe the feeling, and I guess its just natural to feel betrayed when that Mr. Right just walks by, totally oblivious to your presence........or nods a greeting like you are just some ordinary gurl, no fault of his there, of course!
All the same, you definitely cant take the fact that HE thinks you are after all, ordinary. You need to feel special, even beautiful...just by the way he looks at you. So whats going wrong.....why cant he be a little more sensitive, you wonder.
You want it more than anything that he accepts you, sees you for all you are, that the likeness be mutual......so why doesn't it happen? Is there a 'Don't bother me' sign hanging from my neck???
I don't know if u've felt this way, but i definitely do....maybe we're not looking at the right person....maybe its not time yet......maybe.....maybe.....nothings for sure. And it hurts most when he goes and hooks up with another 17 yr-old gurl. I don't know that feeling yet coz my "guy" seems to be happy being unattached for now....so maybe thats my luck. Don't know yet whats in store for me. Hope its something good. So ill cross my fingers (maybe not hope to die, coz i'm just 17, u know)..... n wish for the best!
SO......its been 5 years since, and I can tell you, there was some serious heart-break..... but i moved on......n lived to tell!!!
Being 17, its hard not to think that your crush( not the first one, of course) is "The One". The man in your life, meant only for You. Its hard b'coz, all the emotions that emerge on getting just a glimpse of the guy, makes you want to burst......out of joy, i guess!!
You can almost feel your cheeks burn with the blush turned full on. Your friends ask if u've just run a mile in the hot summer sun, but that cant be it, its the middle of December. You cant really describe the feeling, and I guess its just natural to feel betrayed when that Mr. Right just walks by, totally oblivious to your presence........or nods a greeting like you are just some ordinary gurl, no fault of his there, of course!
All the same, you definitely cant take the fact that HE thinks you are after all, ordinary. You need to feel special, even beautiful...just by the way he looks at you. So whats going wrong.....why cant he be a little more sensitive, you wonder.
You want it more than anything that he accepts you, sees you for all you are, that the likeness be mutual......so why doesn't it happen? Is there a 'Don't bother me' sign hanging from my neck???
I don't know if u've felt this way, but i definitely do....maybe we're not looking at the right person....maybe its not time yet......maybe.....maybe.....nothings for sure. And it hurts most when he goes and hooks up with another 17 yr-old gurl. I don't know that feeling yet coz my "guy" seems to be happy being unattached for now....so maybe thats my luck. Don't know yet whats in store for me. Hope its something good. So ill cross my fingers (maybe not hope to die, coz i'm just 17, u know)..... n wish for the best!
SO......its been 5 years since, and I can tell you, there was some serious heart-break..... but i moved on......n lived to tell!!!
Who am I
I have always wanted to b sum1 who cud make a difference......ive looked into the future and seen myself as a person who cared enough to try, to be different from the crowds, to make my own destiny.... In short, i'm a Dreamer. And I think thats where my story begins.....
But 22 yrs in the making, and I don't know how far i've come...... So this blog's just for me. Its to help me keep track. To keep me grounded yet dreaming. And maybe, just maybe, what I write here may actually make sense to that one fellow human who's made like me!
But 22 yrs in the making, and I don't know how far i've come...... So this blog's just for me. Its to help me keep track. To keep me grounded yet dreaming. And maybe, just maybe, what I write here may actually make sense to that one fellow human who's made like me!
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